life dilemma

I've been depressed for a while because I'm a closet gay. It feels like the only times I feel happy/normal are when I forget about the reality that I'm gay. The reality that I won't be able to have kids (which i want BADLY, to teach them everything I've learned in my life, while they are growing up), the reality that I won't have an average house with an average car, average friends who like average things . I don't want a life as a single man in a city apartment by himself forever. Nor do i want to live with another gay man. I don't support gay marriage by the way. I see it as noveltizing marriage as a sacred ritual, as well as noveltizing homosexuals period. All my school friends are starting to get married and have kids, and with this day in age, due to Facebook, my life (or lack of) will be advertised. Turning to religion hasn't helped - even if I accept who I am, there's still the majority of the world who thinks being gay is at least 'interesting and fun and something to point out'